Painting Lonliness

I think everyone can picture the image of Munch's famous painting, "The Scream." It is not pretty, nor a thing of technical expertise, but people connect with it. Today and many days before, I have felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness. No regrets about my choices that put me here, but a yearning to connect with someone who cares squeezes my heart.

I went to church last Sunday, arriving just after first service so I could talk with someone, meet someone. I smiled at folks, tried sitting at a table by myself and looking welcoming, lingered at the information center and when that failed, went down the road for coffee. There a young lady stopped and complemented me on my outfit. I had to hide the tears that came so quickly. Determining to give the church a second try, I returned and really put myself out the second time. I saw two men sitting with a small stack of books that looked compelling. Asking if I could see them, I tried to engage in conversation. When I shared that I was questioning some things I had always taken for granted, one man asked if I was a new Christian--not kindly, but sort of disdainfully. When I told him "no," I had been one for 40 years, he launched into a diatribe against environmentalist. Hello? I asked if they had any groups that discussed apologetics. One man said that was too complicated for him. My legs tired as the second told me how knowledgeable he was about the subject, but didn't need to go there because the Spirit would do the work. I squatted next to them as he continued. Neither man ever offered to get me a chair. I eventually left.

How is it that the world has kindness and compassion mastered better than so many Christians? A cookie. A complement. A simple act of kindness. So,
back to the portrayal. I have a vision of what to paint, but can I do it? Maybe this is why I have been chosen to feel these hard things--so I can put a visual on pain and we can each connect with our own internal screams.